Rebuilding Self-Trust After Narcissistic Abuse: Where to Begin

When you've lived through narcissistic abuse, trusting others can feel difficult but trusting yourself? That can feel almost impossible.

You may find yourself second-guessing everything:

• “Was it really that bad?”

• “Am I just being too sensitive?”

• “Can I even trust my own judgment anymore?”

  
  

These thoughts aren’t irrational, they’re a natural outcome of being manipulated, gaslit, and chronically invalidated. The good news? You can rebuild self-trust. Not overnight. But step by step.

It can be overwhelming but with these simple steps you can begin. Here's how....

1. Understand Why Self-Trust Was Damaged

Narcissistic abuse erodes self-trust at its core. When someone constantly rewrites reality, invalidates your emotions, or punishes you for expressing your needs, your internal compass gets distorted.

Over time, many survivors:

• Begin to ignore their intuition

• Rely on the abuser’s version of events

• Stop expressing their needs or feelings

• Feel shame for reacting "too much"

  
  

Rebuilding self-trust begins with recognizing that the problem was never your ability to judge, feel, or sense truth. It was the environment that led you to believe your judgment, intuition, and emotions weren’t safe.

2. Stop Looking for “Evidence” to Justify Your Feelings

It’s easy to fall into the habit of needing to justify your emotions. Wanting concrete proof before allowing yourself to feel. But you don’t need a list of reasons to validate hurt, fear, or confusion. Your feelings are real, even if someone else tried to convince you otherwise.

Instead, try this DBT-informed prompt:

“What emotion am I feeling right now? Can I allow myself to feel it without judgment or needing to justify it?”

You don’t have to argue your case. You just have to let yourself feel.

3. Practice Micro-Decisions That Reinforce Self-Agency

Rebuilding self-trust doesn’t start with big life changes. It starts with micro-decisions.

Examples:

• Picking what you want to eat without checking in with others

• Saying “no” to something small, and seeing that the world doesn’t fall apart

• Listening to your body when it says it needs rest, water, or quiet

  
  

Each time you act on your own behalf, you send a powerful message to your nervous system: I can listen to myself. I matter.

4. Reconnect With Your Internal “Yes” and “No”

After chronic boundary violations, many survivors feel numb to their own desires and limits. They often ask, “I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

Try this gentle reconnection exercise throughout the day

Pause and ask yourself:

“Do I feel a yes or a no in my body right now?”“Where do I feel tension or ease?”

Even if you’re unsure, the act of checking in builds a bridge back to yourself.

5. Replace Self-Doubt With Self-Validation

Self-validation is a critical DBT skill. It allows you to say:

• “It makes sense that I feel overwhelmed. I’ve been through a lot.”

• “I don’t need to minimize my experiences to protect others anymore.”

• “Even if I made a mistake, that doesn’t mean I’m broken.”

  
  

Self-validation is not about avoiding accountability. It’s about creating safety within yourself to heal.

6. Seek Relationships That Encourage Autonomy, Not Control

As you build self-trust, you’ll start noticing red flags sooner. You’ll feel discomfort around people who push your boundaries or gaslight your reality.

Surround yourself with people who:

• Listen more than they explain

• Validate your feelings without hijacking them

• Celebrate your choices, not question them

  
  

Healing happens faster in safe relationships, but the safest relationship starts with the one you’re rebuilding inside yourself.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken. You Were Betrayed

Survivors of narcissistic abuse often carry deep shame. But let me be clear: the very fact that you’re questioning, reflecting, and trying to reconnect with yourself? That’s strength. That’s wisdom.

Rebuilding self-trust is not a return to who you were before. It’s becoming someone even wiser, more compassionate, and more rooted in truth. In your truth.

Take your time. You’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience.

If this resonated with you…

• Share this blog with someone else on the healing path

• I’d love to hear what resonated most for you. Feel free to share in the comments

• Explore more DBT-informed healing on Instagram: @thedbttherapist